Specific vs Organic

When I was taking theatre directing classes in college I learned about two different styles of directing. I forget their real names so let's call them specific and organic. 

Specific directing is where the director writes out every bit of movement their actors will do onstage, from their entrances to the smallest thing like turn out to the audience on this line. This is great when you are more interested in creating pictures on the stage. It is more of a direct process and doesn't allow the actor much freedom.

Organic directing is much different, and much harder for a control freak like me. You give the actors the basic blocking - where and when to enter and exit and if there are any specific spots you need them to hit in the scene. This allows the actor to have more freedom and the blocking process becomes more of a collaborative process.

I give this little directing lesson because I was thinking about this as I tried to fit in a nap last night and Omar was watching the ever-wakeful Helena. There were times I wanted to get up and let him know things I found out that worked for me - specific directions if you will. 

But I stopped myself. And when I did I realized something. It's better for him to find out organically what works for him than me always over his shoulder telling him what to do - a habit that I'm working on to correct.

And Omar comes up with things that work great with him and Helena. One of the cutest, funniest and most entertaining is "Helena's Dance Party." Omar plugs in his iPhone to the stereo and dances around with Helena. Not only does she stop crying (most of the time), she usually falls asleep by the end of the dance party. 

So by not being over his shoulder all the time it allows me to take a break and allows him the opportunity to find special ways that he alone can connect with Helena.

The Two Faces of Helena

My baby has two personalities.

Daytime Helena. This Helena is sweet and content in every way. She doesn't cry, she doesn't fuss. She eats, poops and sleeps without worry. She is the Helena that everyone sees when they visit. 

Evening/Nighttime Helena. This is the Helena nobody sees. She cries even after we've fed, changed, burped and cuddled her. She eats every hour and a half to two hours leaving Mommy with little to no sleep between feedings.

Both of these are my daughter, and I'm sure I'll see many other personalities emerge as she grows older.

Getting that Perfect Picture

Ever since Helena was born, that seems so long ago, I have been trying to get a good picture of her. I really wanted an official picture taken at the hospital, but because of the jaundice and doctor's checking up on Helena we didn't make our appointment and they were gone by the time we got there.

Then I thought about taking her to the Picture People, JCPenny or Sears to get her portraits done, but I am not ready to expose her to all those other kids germs yet. So, I decided to try to take some pictures myself.

I read up on taking baby pictures and got some good hints - natural light, no flash, get close in to the baby's face. This afternoon seemed the perfect time. Helena was alert after her feeding and her eyes were open. So, with the light pouring in from the window, I pulled out a blanket and placed Helena on it in the sunlight. 

Apparently she was ready for her close up.

Helena Kara 1/16/08

And miles to go before I sleep

The last few nights have been rough. 

Omar was away this weekend and as soon as he closed the door Friday Helena started to cry. Lauren spent the night so I would have some help if I needed it, and I needed it! Helena woke up multiple times during the night and not only to feed, but for other things - like gas - which I didn't catch because I was SO tired. After many attempts to get her to sleep, I finally woke Lauren up at 6:00 am to help. She fell asleep for Lauren and stayed asleep until I woke her up for her next feeding.

Saturday night she slept well, which was a good thing for Gayle who spent the night so I would have help. Thank goodness Helena let me sleep because last night she didn't.

The night started off well, but around 4:00 am Helena kept waking up. I had just fed her 30 minutes before and we got a good burp out of her, so gas and hunger were ruled out. I thought that she wanted to be held, which did get her to fall asleep, but as soon as I put her down and got back under the covers she was off and crying again. After about 4 tries I woke Omar up. He figured out the problem - she had another wet diaper. After that she slept until her next feeding when she started crying again - 15 minutes of sleep.

Omar went back to work today and I finally got some sleep this afternoon - 2 whole hours! I couldn't imagine doing this and going to work. I couldn't imagine going back to work after 6 weeks either. It's going to take the whole time I'm home to get into a rhythm - just to shake it up again when I go to work and she goes to daycare - but that's another posting.

Happy Baby

In yoga there is a pose called  Ananda Balasana , or Happy Baby pose. You lay on you back and grab the bottoms of you feet with your hands and roll back and forth like a roly poly doll. 

I have my own happy, healthy baby -Helena.

This morning was Helena's two-week check-up. We had great news as she has gained back all the weight she lost last week and is now 8 lbs and 13 oz. That's 3 oz more than her birth weight. That makes me so happy since I really wanted to keep breastfeeding and this confirms that she is getting enough to eat from me. 

The doctor also said her jaundice is going away - another thing showing that breastfeeding is working for her.

Helena also has a few birth marks. One on each eyelid, which will fade, and one on the back of her head where her head and neck meet - just like her mommy. Omar's father and my mother also have birthmarks near the same place.

The doctor answered the page of questions I had - thanks Aunt Margaret and Uncle Victor for the idea of writing questions down. She was patient and kind and assured us we had a healthy baby.

My happy baby.

Priceless

Poopie Diaper = 1 diaper, 2 wipes, diaper cream

Explosive Poopie Diaper = 1 diaper, 4 wipes, new pillow cover, pants and diaper cream

Knowing My Daughter is Getting Enough to Eat = PRICELESS

Super Woman Syndrome

You all know I have a type-A personality, surprise! As such, I think I am more susceptible to  developing a Super Woman persona. The woman that keeps going even if it does her more harm than good.

I must admit that, over the last week, I have done more than I should. Omar and I have been up and about cleaning like mad and even went out twice with Helena, in addition to her two doctor's visits.

It wasn't until I called the nurse last night about some bleeding - everything is fine - I realized I needed to listen to my body more. So today I took two naps, one in the morning and one in the evening. I also planned our shopping trip so that it included a rest and feeding at our second stop, Great Beginnings. 

Great Beginnings has a really nice nursing area attached to their woman's bathroom, complete with a slider and a real changing table. It was a nice relaxing environment for us to do our business. 

I mentioned to Omar how nice the slider was in the nursing room and he suggested we look at them, so we did and I got to relax in a VERY comfortable slider/ recliner. I think I was in the recliner for about 15 minutes, looking at the color options, when Helena woke up because of a vacuum cleaner. She joined me to test out the slider function of the chair and it passed. So we ordered it for the living room.

When we got home I noticed that everything was going right with my body and that taking those breaks during our trip were worth it. I continued to listen to my body when we started to put things away. I stopped when I felt I needed to stop and didn't feel guilty. 

Then I listened to Omar when he suggested I take a nap. Being reminded to take care of myself is something I need from time to time and I'm glad Omar is here to remind me of that. 

Before becoming a mommy I pushed myself to the limits, whether at work, play or theatre. Now I need to remember that it's not worth it to push myself so much that I hurt or get sick or stress out so much I make everyone around me pay for it. Helena and Omar deserve much more that that - and so do I!

Yummy, Yummy In Your Tummy

Starting in the hospital I realized that, while the most natural thing to do, breastfeeding is something that mommy and baby learn together. And it's hard to learn something together when you have people poking and proding you every couple of hours. 

Needless to say we weren't getting it 100% of the time. Part of that was because, as part of the switch, I was craving healthy food and was eating broccoli, salads, veggies, orange juice and tomato soup (among other things). Well, these foods cause gas in babies - who knew? So she was gassy and crying so much of the time we couldn't get her to calm down long enough to latch on all the time - much less eat. 

The two lactation consultants said I was doing everything right, which made me feel better, but then then again I felt bad that the nurses called in two different consultants on two different days. Helena was getting enough to stay hydrated, but not enough to stay about the 10% weight loss.

We went home on Thursday and she was down to 7 lbs 15 oz. By our appointment on Friday she was down to 7 lbs 7 oz. As a result the doctor had us supplement with formula. Which meant feeding time because a two person affair lasting about an hour from waking her up, getting her to latch on, feed and supplement. But the good news is that by our appointment on Saturday she had gained 4 oz.

By Sunday she was latching on better - even though it still took both of us stroking her ears, cheek and feet to keep her awake.

By that evening I had grown 2 cups sizes because of the milk coming in and was in so much pain because the bras I got during my pregnancy were digging into me. I was so afraid if I didn't get a good bra ASAP that my milk supply would be hindered and then I wouldn't be able to breastfeed at all. So, after calling four different stores looking for my new size, and crying because I already thought my breast were too big to handle during feedings, I found a store that had it and held them at the counter for me to make sure they still had them when I got there. Needless to say, the people at Motherhoon Maternity at Wheaton Plaza were a LIVESAVER! I felt better the instant I got one of those babies on.

It must have helped because by the middle of the night she was getting enough to eat from me that she was refusing the formula.

We kept offering it to her through the night until we got a call from the doctors office Monday afternoon giving us the go ahead to stop the supplements which was GREAT!

By Monday evening she was latching on the first try and actually staying awake during her feedings. Now she even cries when she is hungry - which I am happy for because it tells me she knows where her food comes from and can tell when she is full and when she is not.

So that is the tale so far - at least the breastfeeding tale. There are also the tales of how cute she is and the tales of how cute she is when she's asleep and the tales of changing her and watching her watch me. So many tales, so little time before she wakes up again.