Random thoughts...

Life is like Star Wars, that's right I went there. There are many different chapters (episodes if you will) that we go through before we die and become one with the Force. As time draws closer to the end of this current Episode of my life, I began to try to figure out where I am and where I will be going. I'm very much emotionally attached to this part of my life and I began thinking of it like the original Trilogy (the real original Trilogy not the re-releases with the out-of-place CGI effects). That took me back to Freshmen year of college and Dr. King's Honors English class...I did say these were random thoughts, didn't I?

That year we read a short story, or was it a book, where five or six different men all recalled the same event that happened in Vietnam. Each person recalls the story differently. We then had a discussion and I wrote a paper about memories and how over time those memories layer over each other and sometimes makes us believe events happened differently than they really did.

This led me back to Star Wars and Lucas layering in all that CGI stuff (sorry, I LOVE model effects and will always prefer them to CGI) and how I am sure memories are layering over each other to change my perception of past events. Then I thought, well does that make these memories of this chapter of my life the rereleases of the Trilogy or the Prequels. I quickly decided if it was a Prequel it couldn't be Episode I because Jar Jar was too annoying and I don't think I have encountered ANYONE that annoying...then I prayed that my life has just skipped over that Episode all together...although, I do have a preschooler...

This led me to a recent blog posting on Julia Rocchi's blog Italian Mother Syndrome "What are we waiting for? Answer: TBD." I realized that while I've physically prepared for this change in my life, I haven't allowed myself to stop and mentally/emotionally prepare myself. I'm always going and doing. I've always been this way when faced with a major life change. In high school, college, and even after college I would throw myself into theatre. I think in one year I worked on seven different productions, either on stage or off. I haven't "done theatre" in over a year, although I do now work at one. That crutch isn't there this time, so now I actually have to deal with real life. (I'm not saying people who do a lot of theatre aren't dealing with real life, just me. Ha!)

Instead of going to the theatre every night of the week and either creating a fantasy world on stage or becoming a different person, I'm stuck with being Heather and figuring out this character and what makes her tick. She's a great girl (if I do say so myself) and a very loving Mommy, but what's next for her? Who is she REALLY? What will the next act bring for her? (Yes, I know I'm mixing themes all over this post.)

I've always defined myself by labels. I think most of us do that. Now I'm faced with a new label and have realized I don't want to be defined. Yep, that's right I DON'T want to describe myself by my labels (Mom, Marketing Manager, Divorcee, etc.). Now I just need to figure out how to undefine myself and just be. Easy, right? Ha! I would say where is my personal Obi Wan to guide me, but I'm not so sure I'd listen. Some things you need to take the time to figure it out on your own. Which makes me wonder if Lucas will ever look back at the re-releases and think "what was I thinking?!" Also, who needs to see Jar Jar in 3D? I mean, really.